So today I finally plucked up the courage to take Isabella to a baby play group (with a little help from my good friend Holly) and she absolutely loved it! She was having so much fun playing in a ball pit and sitting in a tunnel. She can't crawl yet but she does bum shuffle, so getting around for her wasn't as easy as it is for some of the other babies and toddlers that were there. I'm so proud of how well she did with the other little ones, even when a little boy pushed her over by accident!
It wasn't about the fact that Isabella can't crawl that made me so hesitant to take her to baby groups, it wasn't about Isabella at all actually. It was about me. And okay, so I didn't go alone but I went and that's the main thing. I've been struggling a lot recently to do even the most simple of tasks, I have lost so much energy and motivation (I do think I have low iron which could be a reason for the low energy and constant tiredness but I have yet to see a doctor) and not only that, I have lost my confidence. I used to be so outgoing and eager to do new things but since Isabella was born, I have really struggled with going out and seeing people. I've even put off seeing family and friends; simply because I don't feel like going outside. I'm okay if I'm not going somewhere alone, even though I have to force myself to actually go; it's when I am going somewhere new or doing something new that I really struggle with.
Taking Isabella to a baby group has been on my to do list since she was tiny, but I've always been too scared to go. I've been scared people will judge me for how I look and how I parent. I also find that if I meet a new mum with a child younger than myself that has bounced back to their 'before mummy figure'; it really knocks my confidence and I just want to run away and hide forever. It's silly because I know a lot of the mums that go there probably feel the same way I do. I know that 9 times out of 10 there are mums that are exactly the same as me in the fact that they too feel nervous about meeting people. It seems so silly to think that I am scared of doing things alone, or even doing new things at all but I honestly am.
I do believe my weight is the biggest factor. I wouldn't even say I'm fat, more chubby in the wrong places, but because it is the 'biggest' I have ever physically been it has had a huge impact on my self esteem and my confidence. I feel so silly admitting it, because I used to not give a damn what anybody thought of me because I told myself that as long as I was happy with myself then that was all that mattered.
But I'm not happy with myself. And that's the problem.
I have a long way to go to being confident in my own skin again, and I'm still battling the process of putting the steps into place to make it happen. I definitely feel that going to baby group today has helped make me realise that it's not as scary as I thought it would be. I'm so proud of myself for actually getting out and going because I've put it off so many times and felt guilty about it for so long because I knew that letting my insecurities get in the way of taking Isabella to a place she can socialise and learn was selfish of me, but I found it so so daunting.
But hey, maybe next time I will go on my own. We shall see!
Things all mums and dads should always remind themselves of:
-Not all women 'bounce back' after giving birth. Some of us aren't that lucky and it takes a lot longer to lose the baby weight; but that is completely normal and it is okay!
-Going to baby groups will help boost your babies learning and your confidence, and they're really not as bad as they seem.
-Other mums and dads are not going to bite you! They are very unlikely to judge you (I say unlikely because there are some out there that think their way or parenting is the only way, but those people are just close minded fools) and a lot of them will feel the same way you do!
-It's good to have friends who are also parents close to your age as this makes it easy to relate to them and it's a support network for you. But it doesn't matter what age the parents are; make friends anyway!
-The more times you get out of your comfort zone; the more confident you will feel.
-You are doing a great job. You are an amazing parent. Do not let anybody tell you different!
-You got this!
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