If you ask anyone with kids what it is really like to be a parent you can guarantee they will tell you that it's hard work, tiring, but that it is worth every single second. They are right. But they fail to tell you why.
It's not the sleepless nights and temper tantrums that make being a parent feel like an almost impossible challenge at times, although these do make things difficult. No, for me the main reasons why being a mum, especially a young mum, is so very difficult is because it changes everything.
And yes, I really do mean everything.
First, there is the growing belly, the cravings and the strange hormones that made me cry because I swallowed my tongue ball at bed time and didn't have a a spare and made me cry even more because a lady bird flew at my face and scared me.
Then there is what happens after the baby is born. Your belly becomes a deflated balloon, hanging over every single pair of pants you can squeeze into. Your legs, belly and bum are covered in bright red stretch marks that are impossible to ignore. Okay, so the stretch marks for me weren't a massive problem because I'm not ashamed of them. My body did a marvellous thing; it grew another human being for an entire 9 months and that is pretty incredible. My stretch marks a part of me, I am proud of each and every one of them.
Your entire mindset will change. Gone are the days of being immature and silly, (unless you're making stupid noises at your baby to make them laugh after they've cried for two hours straight) and gone are the days of going out drinking with all of your friends, parting till 5am in the morning and then stumbling home drunk, waking up at 4pm the next day with a huge hangover like every other person your age is doing. Now, you're turning down that huge party everyone is going to and you're in your pyjamas by 8pm on a Saturday night looking at snapchats of all your friends living it up.
You can't even run yourself a hot bath and soak for an hour after a long day because I can promise you as soon as you slide into the hot bubbles; your baby, that has been settled all evening, is going to start screaming just as you breathe that sigh of relief. By the time you settle her; your bath will be cold and there's no point trying to run another.
Oh and if you see that expensive foundation on offer; don't even think about buying it. There is literally no point. One, because every single penny you have will be paying for bills or for your child and every penny that you have spare will no doubt be spent spoiling your child because they would look soo cute in that little outfit you found, and two; you probably won't even get time to even use your new foundation. I don't even get time to brush my hair on some days, applying a foundation and contouring? Consider it gone.
Being a parent is the most demanding, full on experience. Every minute of the day you are being needed by your baby, her nappy is full or she is bored and wants you to sit on the floor with her surrounded by all her toys and try to find one she actually likes, or she might just want your brilliant cuddles. Every time you try to put your feet up you will be back up within seconds. It's exhausting.
However, the hardest part about being a mum for me has to be the way it has affected my relationship. It is heart breaking to say that my relationship has completely broken down. I have no time for my partner, once I have put baby to bed all I want is some peace and quiet. I don't want to have to sit and discuss how his day at work went, or how tired he is because he has been on his feet all day.
It sounds so selfish and I hate to say it but it honestly is the truth. I have been demanded all day so when my partner then wants my attention; I am so short tempered and snappy that there is no way a conversation is going to happen without becoming an argument.
My partner and I trialled living together and all we did was argue over money, so he moved back in with his mum in the hopes it would salvage what little relationship we had left.
It didn't.
Because I am being a mum 24/7 and have no social life whatsoever anymore, I began to resent my partner. He is able to come over, see our child and then leave to go home again, or stay over a couple nights a week but then he is out of the door before our daughter even gets up so he still doesn't have to deal with it.
I resented the fact he can get a full nights sleep when I can't or that he has time to go to the gym when we both know it's miss chubby over here who should be going. I started to resent the fact that on the rare occasions we go out with our friends; he would act like a big child with the other lads, making stupid jokes and fooling around, like there is not a single responsibility on his shoulders, whereas I was making sure our child had juice when she cried for it, making sure she wasn't too hot or too cold and keeping an eye on the time for her next feed. He would wander around the shops whilst I battled to get the pram between people or aisles and get myself worked up over rude people who would cut in front of the pram and then glare at me as if it were my fault. He had it so easy and I resented him for it more than I ever thought I would.
I love him, of course I do, and having a baby only emphasises it because things may not be great and you might even begin to doubt if it is worth fighting for anymore, but as bad as it is; you have one thing in common. The love for your child. It makes you want to hang on that little bit longer, and apologise even though you don't feel you're in the wrong; simply because you both know that its tough right now but these days will pass and you both want to stick it out, for yourselves and for your child; the reason for you both to get up in the morning. You want that future that you pictured when you first saw those two lines on that pregnancy test, and the thought of walking away from it, and the thought that your child won't have the upbringing you both planned; is too much to bare.
But I can firmly say that it doesn't matter what happens between my partner and myself; I will always have respect and gratitude for him because he blessed me with a beautiful child.
Even though there is all that, even though some of you may think being a mum has ruined my life, I can assure you it has made it. Becoming a mum has shown me that i can be a better person than I ever thought possible. My daughter makes me want to be the best I can be, purely so I will be a good role model for her. She makes me complete in ways I can't describe. And when she smiles or giggles it makes my heart melt a million times over. As I watch her grow and develop, the pride and love I have for her over rules any of the other struggles I may face.
And who knows what will happen to my relationship? I don't. But I do know that whatever happens, my daughter will have the best we can provide whether together or separately, and she will grow to be happy and loved. And okay so turning down that night out on the town was like a punch in the gut because I so desperately needed to let my hair down; but I wouldn't want to miss a single minute of parenthood.
So if any of you are parents or parents to be; be prepared. Be prepared for everything you have ever known to change. Be prepared for your solid relationship to have some wobbles. But also, be prepared to be absolutely amazed every single day by this little human that is half you and half the person you love, and to feel a love that you can never ever explain, an unconditional love and bond between you and your child that can pull you through even the darkest of days. Because you may have a bad day today, but it is another day you get to spend with your precious little one and there is always tomorrow.
Cherish every single second.
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